A student at Leeds University has reportedly spent all of her student loan on the clothing app ‘Depop’, in a bid to look ‘unique’ and ‘different’. She has since expressed regret at the fact that many of her peers appear to have the same ‘edgy garms’.

“I just don’t know how this has happened,” she said, wishing to remain anonymous. “I spent a grand on Depop, thinking all these clothes would make me really stand out, and they just don’t.”

“I mean, it’s not like anyone else is searching for ‘oversized vintage sportswear’, is it?”

Her other purchases included a colourful 1980s windbreaker jacket and some camo trousers.

“I wore this velvet boob tube I got to Donuts the other week and there were about five girls wearing the same one. Like, literally the same one. It was purple, for fuck’s sake. Who owns purple?”

When asked why she wanted to appear ‘different’ so badly, she went back to her roots.

“Everyone in my hometown is just so bloody boring, and I wanted to break free of all that.” She began. “And I mean how else am I going to disguise the fact I vote Tory if I don’t buy massively overpriced second-hand clothing and appropriate working class culture?”

“I’ve ditched straights for rollies too. I even take a packed lunch into uni. No one will ever know I voted for Brexit.”

We then asked her how she planned to resolve the situation. “I’ve been wondering too. I was thinking of getting my septum pierced – that’ll make me really stand out.”

 

Serena Smith