What happened to flowers, chocolates and genuine romance? In modern society dating has been completely transformed by the upsurge of social media and popular dating apps, resulting in a formulaic and staged form of dating which leaves many of us single women feeling unsatisfied and fed up of the dating process entirely.
Men frequently dive into our ‘dm’s’ on Instagram and Snapchat, replying to our stories and photos and consequently leaving us feeling slightly confused about their intentions. But what do women really want? It’s controversial and impossible for me to argue that all women want men to act in the way in which I depict in this article. Nevertheless, as a reasonably experienced dater, I feel I can voice my opinions on modern dating and the male approach.
Personally, I feel the most typical way I meet a guy is in a bar or on a night out of some sort, but for other people, it may be online or via dating apps. Following the initial meeting, I might get their Insta, Snapchat or if they’re really mature, their phone number. I’d usually have a few conversations then arrange to meet, probably for another drink or a coffee. This then results in a generic date, asking about all of the things we’ve spoken about over text and then going home feeling like I’ve wasted my time and money. This is definitely not what women want.
Women are complicated. We like men to be spontaneous but not too spontaneous. We want men to be obsessed with us, but we also enjoy it when they play hard to get. So surely we are just as irritating to men as they are to us? This is something I also strongly agree with, but here is my attempt to provide some general advice and insight into how men should actually approach the dating process.
Everyone says that the best relationships form out of friendships, right? Well, I strongly agree with this conception; however, it is almost impossible to develop relationships in this way. Nevertheless, men should always bear this in mind when dating. They need to be genuinely interested in who the girl is. This sounds crazy, but so many men decide they want to date a woman based predominantly on the way they look, which is entirely justifiable as physical attraction is essential to dating. Yet, men seem to get too caught up in a girl’s appearance, and they suddenly forget that there’s more to a woman than their hair and makeup. Men need to ask questions and actually respond to the things you say, rather than just continue to ask generic things and try their absolute hardest to get you into bed. Men need to remember that women like to talk about interesting things, not just their course, which street they live on in Hyde Park and what life is like at home etc. Yes, I’ve experienced these questions a lot.
Men need to be confident. Men shouldn’t just keep texting and texting without actually organising any form of date! They need to make suggestions, preferably not just going round to there’s for ‘Netflix and chill’ but they also don’t always have to organise a really formal date. Women like spontaneity, organise a walk home from uni together or grab a coffee when you finish uni, this way you won’t overthink the date and it will feel so much more laid back.
Men need to be honest. In modern dating, women are very aware that men have a range of intentions, which is completely fine. However, men need to be frank about these intentions. If you want a relationship, a casual thing, a one night stand, then all of those things are fine, as long as women know what they’re getting into. Don’t lie and pretend you want more and care about the woman if you actually don’t.
I really hope that by writing this article, I don’t appear to be extremely critical and angry towards men. Dating is fun and exciting, and everyone has their own preferences. Nevertheless, I feel that there are a few issues with modern dating, which I have attempted to highlight and challenge in this article.
Jessica Farmer