As a misty, damp gloom descended over Washington to mark the inauguration of Supreme Leader Trump, crowds gathered to witness an underwhelming concert of epic proportions. Taking place at the Lincoln Memorial (just in case audience members had forgotten that America was the greatest country in the world), it wasn’t exactly the most intimate gig the world has ever seen. The overabundance of empty space was painfully evident to everyone except The Donald himself, who blindly looked out across a sea of white, patriotic, American, “the best”, red baseball cap-adorned, communist-hating, misguided, confused faces.

3 Doors Down were arguably the biggest name to grace the stage, not quite the typical superstar level of bigwigs that Trump loves to surround himself with. The lack of A-listers didn’t phase Mr Trump however, as it meant there was more room for ‘The People’- although they also conveniently decided not to turn up. Despite this, 3 Doors Down gave a distinctly okay performance that was probably just as awkward to play as it was to watch. An under-staffed Radio City Rockettes, The Frontmen of Country, and DJ Ravidrums- ever heard of them? Neither have we -all gave forgettable sets but it was Lee Greenwood’s rendition of ‘God Bless The USA’ that got the crowd pumped up into a primal frenzy of freedom-loving glee. It was like some strange, fetishized form of grotesque spectacle, the likes of which you can imagine the 45th President of the USA dreams of when he isn’t too busy tweeting the world into oblivion, practising his stank face, or thinking of inventive ways to make Mexico pay for ‘The Wall’.

And all the while there was the sad figure of a 30m high Lincoln sitting solemnly in the background, his marble composition preventing Honest Abe from turning in his grave. As the night droned on, the pitiful proceedings probably had Lincoln wishing he could be back in Ford’s Theatre watching Our American Cousin and waiting for John Wilkes Booth to blow his tortured brains out.

Another clear problem presented itself in the practically non-existent diversity of the crowd- which consisted almost entirely of middle class, white Americans. But I guess that’s okay when they’re making America great again.

With surprisingly little controversy, Trump’s catchily named ‘Make America Great Again Welcome Ceremony’ will surely go down as one of the worst gigs no-one ever went to.

Robert Cairns

Images: [Variety] [The Odyssey Online]