Since the beginning of cinema, many films have attempted to capture the unique allure and power of New York City. Manhattan, On The Town, Taxi Driver, and now, Nativity 3: Dude Where’s My Donkey, as the latest installation of the inexplicably popular Nativity series takes the children of St. Bernadettes in Coventry to the streets of the Big Apple. Nativity plays are very much still a Christmas tradition in our country, but take out your immediate family and a chance to see your child/sibling’s cherubic face stumble through “Little Donkey” and what do you ultimately get? A group of nameless children who you don’t know, wasting two hours of your life. Welcome to Nativity 3!

Mr. Poppy (played by Marc Wootton) is comparable to Game Of Thrones’ King Joffrey in the way that he acts like a petulant child. But whilst we are supposed to hate Joffrey, Mr Poppy is the hero of Nativity’s story; we are expected to feel sympathy for him. It’s simply not enjoyable watching the children protest a decision to fire the illiterate, buffoonish teaching assistant with severe arrested development.

Nativity 3: Dude, Where’s My Donkey? aka Martin Clunes: Dude, Wheres My Dignity? is not just one of the bad Christmas films, but a bad film altogether. It’s not funny, it’s not cute; it’s not even entertainingly bad. Frankly, the film and it’s previous iterations don’t even belong in the same league as so-bad-they’re-good Christmas flops such as Jingle All The Way or Hulk Hogan’s Santa With Muscles. The Nativity trilogy deserves its own wing in the “How Not to Make a Christmas Movie” hall of fame. Humbug.

Alistair Norman

Image: Entertainment One