Although the Scottish independence referendum is not scheduled until September of this year, the South of England seems to have stolen a march on our friends to the north and chosen to secede from the union. As the South goes the way of Atlantis, LSi investigates who has the grit and cold-heartedness to lead the Home Counties to survival. 

 

David Cameron – Conservative Party            Leadership Material – 2/5

To prove once and for all that we’re all in this together, David “Man of the People” Cameron popped on a pair of wellington boots to visit the lost county of Somerset. Dave’s tried to play it calm and casual for the most part, after all what’s more British than a stiff upper lip in the face of sudden and imminent destruction? Besides we shouldn’t blame Dave it was the recklessness of the last Labour government that’s left us with all this messy flood water anyway. A calm exterior may help to ease the public’s nerves but it’s not going to help much when you’re beating back hordes of vicious Dolphins for territory is it Dave?

 

Nigel Farage – UKIP                                         Leadership Material – 3/5

It’s difficult to take Nigel Farage seriously at the best of times but he’s outdone himself this time. Farage looks so comfortable in waders and a flat cap it’s actually hard to tell if this is a photo of Nigel visiting flood-stricken Surrey or a snap from the most recent UKIP fishing trip. Of course Farage’s power has been consolidated by the shocking discovery that circumstantial evidence does back up the claims of his party; Romanian immigration and same-sex marriage really could be the cause of flooding of biblical proportions. UKIP will be pleased to know that the jurisdiction of the European Court of Human Rights is not recognised under the sea.

 

Ed Miliband – Labour Party                         Leadership Material – 4/5

Here he is, the hero we need but not the hero we deserve. Here’s a man who has put in all that free time not coming up with policies to good use, perfecting the dramatic poses necessary to lead us to glory. You can tell just by looking into those cold, dead eyes that he’s the kind of man who’s seen unspeakable things. In the coming watery apocalypse there’s no place for morals and Red Ed’s the kind of man who’d stab his own brother in the back to maintain power. Then again he probably loves this because after all, he hates Britain.

 

Nick Clegg – Liberal Democrats                 Leadership Material – 0/5

Need I bother?

 

Benjamin Cook

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