As someone who rarely goes a day without surreptitiously slipping a Mean Girls quote into conversation, I have to admit I’m Team Cady when it comes to Halloween costumes. I’m not about to launch into a slut-shaming rant about costumes that are publically indecent. This will probably be the only time in your life it’s socially acceptable to walk through town in lingerie and some form of animal ears aside from the next time you go to Tequila. No, what I mean is, why doesn’t anyone bother with scary costumes anymore?
A quick Google search is enough to overwhelm me with the possibilities for all manners of ‘sexy’ skeletons, devils and Oompa Loompa costumes (yes, these exist). But I think the scariest thing about these outfits has got to be the price tag (boom-tish!). And isn’t it cheating to order a ready-made outfit online? We’re students. We’re supposed to be thrifty, resourceful and above all, geniuses. So unleash that inner creativity and get cracking with the poster paints, because this year we’re bringing scary back. Mind you, I’ll probably let you off ordering online if you spend that last bit of loan on a ‘Skeleboner’ costume (unfortunately, this also exists).
Like the ever-expanding Christmas period, Halloween now seems to have an entire month devoted to what was – many moons ago – a single day of celebration. Unlike Christmas, I’m not exactly sure what we are meant to be celebrating, but I’m pretty certain it’s got something to do with pumpkins and horror movie sequels. (Saw 17! Coming soon to a cinema screen near you!) One thing is for certain though, more advanced warning means more time to plan your costume, so hopefully you can avoid being one of those girls fighting over the last pair of cat ears in Claire’s Accessories.
I’ve had my fair share of costume disasters before, most involving an old t-shirt and the cheap ’n’ nasty fake blood that makes you look like you’ve got seriously patchy and unseasonal sunburn for a couple of weeks afterwards. Last year someone even congratulated me on my dedication for having dyed my hair pink for the occasion, when awkwardly, it had been like that a while. But this year, I’m prepared.
The best Halloween costumes are the ones that make you do a double, no wait, a triple take, because you’re not quite sure who is hiding under the horrid, rotting-flesh face paint. The ones that make you actually gasp a little bit when you flatmate emerges from his room after several hours carefully perfecting his vampire teeth. And the ones that make you even more terrified than normal to walk through Hyde Park on your own. This isn’t an Observation column, this is an intervention. I don’t want to see anymore toilet paper mummies, half-arsed zombies or last-minute permanent marker pen cats. THIS IS YOUR FIVE DAY WARNING.