‘Fourth year and freshaaa than evaaa’ was the name of my team in the Old Bar Pub Quiz last week. This is not only embarrassing, but factually incorrect. Freshers’ week for an old timer like myself did not involve downing vast quantities of Glenn’s vodka (other brands are available), or frequenting god awful clubs like Halo, (sorry to anyone offended, but it is true). Instead, I got fresh by frequenting my living room, and watching awful films like ‘Cabin in the Woods’. You freshers see what you have to look forward to?

Don’t get me wrong, I love a night out as much as the next student. However, I no longer feel the same compulsion to force poison down my neck, and throw up all of the next day in the name of ‘fun’.

Actually, that’s a lie. I do still do this, but it is now on a once a week basis. My body can’t handle the constant late nights anymore, and my bank balance has become much less forgiving. My final year has also brought an added workload, the horrible realisation that student life will soon be over, and the worry that, once we graduate, we will all be unemployed forever. If you consider these issues, then you may feel the same. Of course, this bleak outlook could push anyone towards the bottle, but if you want to avoid hysterics, it’s probably safer not to.

Last Friday, like many of you, I ventured out to Canal Mills (#I’mSoEdgy). This was only my second night out in over two weeks. Nonetheless, two days later, I have a head cold and am dosed up on painkillers: I have been struck down with the infamous freshers’ flu. I’ve skipped straight past the main course and have just been left with the bill. Maybe I haven’t been getting enough vitamins, but I’m still feeling pretty hard done by. I ask myself: how did I do it as a fresher?

So what is good about final year? Well, you spend evenings developing skills, such as baking, and knitting. And in terms of nightlife, I’ve already learnt what nights out I enjoy, and which nights are genuinely horrifying. I also guess I have learnt self-restraint, and the productivity that sobriety brings. Or maybe, I’ve just got boring. Either way, my vital organs are thankful. So, in the most patronising way possible, I advocate for all freshers to enjoy the freedom that first year brings, because it’s all down-hill from there.