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Can you describe your experiences and achievements in athletics?
I was a discus thrower and shot-putter, and I represented Great Britain and England. I represented GB Athletics numerous times in the discus and went to major championships. I was the England Number 1 and Number 2 for quite a few years, culminating in attending two Commonwealth Games. The first was in 1990 in Auckland, New Zealand, where I came 8th and made the final, which was a very big experience for me, because it was my first major championship. In 1994, I competed in Victoria, Canada, where I came 4th, which was a big achievement for me, going from 8th to 4th place. I retired from athletics in 2002, at 33 or 34.
Was this a largely positive or negative experience?
It had its ups and downs, but for the most part, I think it was the making of me. I travelled and I met friends who have stayed with me all these years. I started at 16, and I did athletics for 16 years at an international level. The people that you meet along the way become like family. It was about finding out who I was as a person. In terms of athletics, there was no judgement – it was only based on what you threw, jumped or how fast you were. It was never like with netball or with hockey – those were always about if your face fitted. With the team events that I played at county level, I was always a bit sceptical about who they would put in the team, because of race. Whereas with athletics, it was just on my prowess, just my ability, so for me, there were never any real problems with athletics. But team events, now that was a different kettle of fish.
Do you mean you were less likely to be picked or more likely, for ‘diversity points’?
Less, much less. We’re talking back in the 80s. I was in Essex, where playing hockey was a predominantly white middle-class field. It was always the private schools, the ‘better’ schools that played hockey, because it was expensive – you had to have the hockey sticks, the hockey boots, the shinpads. We were lucky, our school bought into hockey, so we were able to play. Netball was pretty much the same, but we had a very strong netball team, and then I got picked for the borough team. You always felt that there was an undercurrent of bias, because you weren’t of the right wealth or the right colour – there was always something that you felt was holding you back, especially in the team events. That’s why I went to the athletics side more than the team sports, because in team sports, I felt I was just as good as my white counterparts, but I never quite got in there. You always have that doubt in your head, that feeling that it was because you weren’t from the right part of the borough, or the County, or the right background. Coming from a working-class Black family, you just didn’t fit into what they wanted.
Have you ever experienced Imposter Syndrome?
Yes – I think that was mainly during the beginning of my netball and athletics career. You felt a little bit inferior to the people you were around, because you felt, ‘I don’t have what they have.’ I was never somebody who was taken to sports by my parents, it was, ‘I’m going to get there on my own steam’ – which was to get on the bus, get to the club, and that was it. My PE teacher was absolutely brilliant, she was the one who encouraged me to go to these clubs, and we got a bit of funding and the occasional grant to help us with expenses.When I got to the borough level, then the county level, then the international level, I was seeing girls and boys who were being bought by their parents, coached by their parents, who had the latest equipment and clothing. My clothing was either hand-me-downs from my sisters – I’m the sixth one out of seven – or paid for with the sponsorships I managed to get. So yes, I did feel like this was a different level. It was only when I started to perform that I thought, you know what, I’m good at this. And even though I might not have the right equipment or the right clothing, I’m beating you girls – I’m doing well. It was a change of mindset after a while, but in the beginning, it was daunting. I did feel like I was an imposter. And the looks that you got from other people sometimes. You just felt you weren’t supposed to be there. Because it was a predominantly white area, I just felt a bit out of place. It wasn’t until we started to perform that we got the respect. And then people were saying, would you like to be coached? Would you like this, would you like that? And even the athletes would start to talk to you more, because they wanted to know more about you, and that’s when you became accepted.
I think that’s an interesting point that you made about being accepted when success comes, especially in light of England losing the Euro finals and the racism that the Black British players received. What are your thoughts on that?
I knew it was coming, that’s the thing. The moment those guys missed those penalties, it didn’t even take seconds. I just thought to myself, how bad is it going to be? Is it going to be every black person targeted because England lost? Or was it just going to be those three guys? There was never any point when I thought, these guys are going to be praised or given some form of support. And lo and behold, there has been a lot of support for those young men, because of what has gone on before. I think the biggest thing for me that showed a change was when that crowd went to the Rashford mural in Manchester, and they rubbed out what was graffitied there, and people left notes of encouragement, and there was a big group of people, very diverse. It’s not brilliant yet, but it showed a change.
What do you think about the treatment and portrayal of black women in sports, like Serena Williams?
I think it’s horrendous. It’s better than it was, but it’s always that negative connotation and criticism. I remember years ago there was an article about Anna Kournikova, a blonde tennis player, about how she looked and how she came out. Everybody was all over her, and she was getting sponsorship upon sponsorship. She was never ever as strong of a tennis player as Serena Williams, but because of her looks, she was the face of tennis. Whereas Serena was more athletic and more powerful as an athlete and champion, but it was always of a negative presentation – the media never gave her the accolade she should have got. Even now, I think there’s always somebody that they will put above Serena just to make the sport look better – in terms of how the media saw her and presented her, it wasn’t fair. I think it’s nice now that more and more athletes are speaking out against racial or gender bias in their sport. The media is not getting away with the same things they used to, because people of all colours are calling them out on it, which is important.
Do you think the attitude towards black women in sports has gotten better or worse?
Better, because there are more out there and there are more in the limelight as well. For example, in the current Olympics, there are more black women presenting and giving their opinions on what’s being done in sports than ever before. And there are more women with a more natural look, without conforming to European beauty standards. But the way we’re portrayed is sometimes not good. There was an article done on Dina Asher-Smith in Vogue, and there was an article with Denise Lewis as well, in Fabulous Sunday Magazine. For Dina, on Vogue, she’s very pretty, but she looked quite hard and they didn’t take into account that there are certain presentations, lighting and colours that work on black skin. I’m glad they’re doing more representation and there are more front covers, but do us justice. Don’t make us look hard or like men or make us look like we’re aggressive or angry black women. Whereas now on Fabulous, Denise was presented in a different way – much softer, her hair was done nicely, her makeup was done softer, and she looked very, very good.
What advice would you give young black women trying to break into the world of sports?
Work hard. Know what you want, and just go for it. But it depends on which sport you’re going into. Athletics is always about your own ability, but when it comes to team sports, you’re always going up against those who select the team. And some of those selectors are old in the tooth – they’re getting better, but some of them don’t always see the quality of the players. For example, if we look at the England football team that played in the Euros, a lot of players on the bench were black. Could you imagine the England team being only black players, if those men had been playing instead of being on the bench? I don’t know if they would allow it. If there was not one white person on the team and it’s England? There are all these questions that are brought up by selectors, especially when it comes to team events. There were a number of young men that were on that bench for the England squad who could’ve played, but they still stuck with Kane, Pickford and Maguire. I just think in the team events, you have to play out of your socks. You have to be better, and you have to get a lucky break. Sport is amazing, it opens so many doors. I travelled all over the world – I don’t think I would have travelled as much if I hadn’t been an athlete. The discipline as well – everything I’ve gone for in my professional career all comes back to the discipline I got from my sport. And if I never had that, I wouldn’t be able to take the knockbacks that I take from people in my life today. I would push anybody into sport, but I would make sure to give them guidance, because psychologically, you’ve got to be strong.
been a lot of support for those young men, because of what has gone on before. I think the biggest thing for me that showed a change was when that crowd went to the Rashford mural in Manchester, and they rubbed out what was graffitied there, and people left notes of encouragement, and there was a big group of people, very diverse. It’s not brilliant yet, but it showed a change.
What do you think about the treatment and portrayal of black women in sports, like Serena Williams?
I think it’s horrendous. It’s better than it was, but it’s always that negative connotation and criticism. I remember years ago there was an article about Anna Kournikova, a blonde tennis player, about how she looked and how she came out. Everybody was all over her, and she was getting sponsorship upon sponsorship. She was never ever as strong of a tennis player as Serena Williams, but because of her looks, she was the face of tennis. Whereas Serena was more athletic and more powerful as an athlete and champion, but it was always of a negative presentation – the media never gave her the accolade she should have got. Even now, I think there’s always somebody that they will put above Serena just to make the sport look better – in terms of how the media saw her and presented her, it wasn’t fair. I think it’s nice now that more and more athletes are speaking out against racial or gender bias in their sport. The media is not getting away with the same things they used to, because people of all colours are calling them out on it, which is important.
Do you think the attitude towards black women in sports has gotten better or worse?
Better, because there are more out there and there are more in the limelight as well. For example, in the current Olympics, there are more black women presenting and giving their opinions on what’s being done in sports than ever before. And there are more women with a more natural look, without conforming to European beauty standards. But the way we’re portrayed is sometimes not good. There was an article done on Dina Asher-Smith in Vogue, and there was an article with Denise Lewis as well, in Fabulous Sunday Magazine. For Dina, on Vogue, she’s very pretty, but she looked quite hard and they didn’t take into account that there are certain presentations, lighting and colours that work on black skin. I’m glad they’re doing more representation and there are more front covers, but do us justice. Don’t make us look hard or like men or make us look like we’re aggressive or angry black women. Whereas now on Fabulous, Denise was presented in a different way – much softer, her hair was done nicely, her makeup was done softer, and she looked very, very good.
What advice would you give young black women trying to break into the world of sports?
Work hard. Know what you want, and just go for it. But it depends on which sport you’re going into. Athletics is always about your own ability, but when it comes to team sports, you’re always going up against those who select the team. And some of those selectors are old in the tooth – they’re getting better, but some of them don’t always see the quality of the players. For example, if we look at the England football team that played in the Euros, a lot of players on the bench were black. Could you imagine the England team being only black players, if those men had been playing instead of being on the bench? I don’t know if they would allow it. If there was not one white person on the team and it’s England? There are all these questions that are brought up by selectors, especially when it comes to team events. There were a number of young men that were on that bench for the England squad who could’ve played, but they still stuck with Kane, Pickford and Maguire. I just think in the team events, you have to play out of your socks. You have to be better, and you have to get a lucky break. Sport is amazing, it opens so many doors. I travelled all over the world – I don’t think I would have travelled as much if I hadn’t been an athlete. The discipline as well – everything I’ve gone for in my professional career all comes back to the discipline I got from my sport. And if I never had that, I wouldn’t be able to take the knockbacks that I take from people in my life today. I would push anybody into sport, but I would make sure to give them guidance, because psychologically, you’ve got to be strong. ReplyForward
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