It seems that Billie Eilish wants to finish the year strongly. ‘everything i wanted’ is a softer, melancholic and sadder version of Eilish, reflecting her feelings on fame.
The 17-year-old starts with the idea of having it all, having the dream life everyone wants, where she explains that it isn’t what we all believe it is. She seems scared to be this open and honest, but does it because people might not even pay attention to what she says. This takes us to the next lyrics, where the dream she is talking about is a play on words.
Through her ‘perfect’ life, she believes that anything is possible, once she’s reached this life goal, even happiness is possible. Once there, she realises it isn’t what everyone thinks it is, she can’t fly as she still isn’t happy, and therefore falls off the bridge. Indeed, it can also be understood as the fact that she is having a dream, turning into a nightmare: she dreams that she is jumping off the San Francisco’s Golden Gate Bridge, and when she dies, no one notices the fact that she is gone.
The song is an ode to her brother (and producer), dedicated to their siblings’ bond and his support. Finneas grounds her in her ‘dream life’, but also in good and bad times, everyday, when she is asleep and has a bad dream, he is present, with her. Though all the material things she can have in her newly acquired fame, what she really wants and needs is him.
Finneas tells her that she matters, but she feels undeserving, not understanding what is happening to her. The notion of feeling stuck in her fame and claustrophobic, not being able to breathe due to always having to do things. She doesn’t want to let anyone down so she doesn’t stop and doesn’t show how she truly feels, as if she owed them to feel fine in a life that many want.
She questions whether it’s all worth it, if making music is truly worth it with all the downsides. Whether, if she knew what would be said and done to her, if she would still want to live this life, and whether, if the people who commented on her appearance, music and personality knew how it would affect her would still say the same things.
This song looks like her way of getting all her feelings out, in a beautifully made song, explaining how she feels, through releasing a new song and therefore without disappointing her fans. The single is very well produced and we can definitely hear Finneas’ production. The song sounds like a breath of fresh air, as much for Billie as for the listener. As usual, the bass is present, this time cleverly structuring the song between a typical Billie Eilish song with beats and giving us an impression of it being her heartbeat. Her vocals are emphasising Billie’s quiet voice, making it very personal. The list of questions, the effects such as echoes, the ringing at the end of the song and the very literal emphasis on the ‘under water’ sentence remind us of ‘Bury a Friend’, with the ‘w’ questions, the orthodontist recording, the stepping on glass and staple noises, the ‘nightmare horse’, the ‘easy bake oven’ sounds.