‘How to be a Beautiful Woman’ – As Told by an Ignorant Twitter User

Be thin, oh, but not too thin. Bones are ugly, fat is ugly, so just be ‘thin’: a vague term, but if it means skipping a few meals, why not? Your body is merely an object after all – mainly for sex and display. 

Be able to cook. This is an obvious one, surely your mother would have taught you. A man needs to eat, but remember not too much for you dear, you must remain thin. 

Have long hair so that it will mop the floor behind you, so that it shall sweep up the crumbs. But beware, hair growing from your head is the only hair acceptable. Any other areas must be painfully stripped bald. Acceptable methods include shaving, waxing or laser hair removal. 

Wear makeup. Again, not too much since it is superficial, but cover those imperfections. Please note, we don’t want to be able to see the makeup, don’t slap it on. 

Blah, blah, blah. The list continues, but it’s slightly too nauseating to go on. You get the gist – you know, along the lines of ‘wear pink,’ ‘listen to men’ and ‘be sensual,’ etc. But seriously, are we regressing? Patriarchy may consume all, but aren’t we supposed to be wriggling out of its grasp these days? 

What this tweet brings to light is that, no matter how much feminist academia and novels we read or how many protests we see, these ideals are still ingrained into certain people’s perception of what makes and ‘ideal woman’. This list constructs a mutated caricature, a deformed creature who is at once strangely bald in places and has long tresses of hair in others. A creature who must be “fashionable” and must remain “graceful” even when banging together your dinner. This ideal looks for a specific type of perfection, but surely, humans are inherently imperfect. Is that not what makes us unique anyway? 

Unfortunately, Alexander J. A. Cortes, I am not beautiful to you, neither are any of the women I know. Because, to be frank, pink isn’t my colour. And, makeup? Everyday? Not for me. Do you not realise the faff of having long hair since you seem to prefer the pony tail as well?

Cortes’ definition of ‘beauty’ does delve beneath the skin. We have a mutual understanding that beauty is not merely surface level. Yet, we agree for merely a millisecond, as the internal attributes of beauty for him are that we “love men” and “listen to men.”

I don’t think Alexander J.A Cortes loves women. In fact, he despises them. Because let me tell you what a woman is, it’s a short list:

Whatever she wants to be. 

Let’s not let tweets like this pollute the Twittersphere. Instead, here are some inspirational women to follow; rgay, ShappiKhorsandi and ginamartin_uk

Delphie Bond

Image: Thisgirlisonfire