In an era where good old fashioned ‘courting’ has been replaced by swiping right on Tinder, it can be difficult to determine just how healthy relationships are nowadays. I think this could be one of the biggest issues regarding contemporary couples.
With the dawn of dating apps, finding a boyfriend or girlfriend has never been easier; you can quite literally organise a date from the comfort of your own sofa. Gone are the days of a man seeing the ‘woman of his dreams’ and having to make an effort to impress her. We are a generation of picking through thousands of profiles and judging on display pictures.
Now don’t get me wrong – this is not an article on the negatives of dating apps. But I think the likes of Bumble have contributed to toxic relationships. Twenty years ago there were no algorithms in place to find you a specific suitor. No bio’s to give you a run down of someone’s preferences. Our grandparents and parents had to make an effort to go out and find their perfect match. They had to talk and organise dates and ultimately, when they knew they were with the right person, they’d get married. However, in contemporary society the ease at which people can ‘hook up’ with someone is catalysing an increase in regrettable relationships. It is also potentially leading to a rise in divorces and unnecessary break ups, as there are so many opportunities to find someone new instead of trying to address the issues in the relationship at stake.
But now there’s a whole new issue to address. How can you determine whether a relationship is actually healthy or not? It seems that we are a generation who like to judge:
“They fight all the time” …
“They don’t fight enough” …
“They act like they hate each other” …
“They’re always all over each other”…
Do we live in a society that is too quick to judge and label a couple as toxic, or are we in danger of missing the true signs of an unhealthy relationship?
Recently, the BBC Three drama ‘Murdered By My Boyfriend’ (2014) conveyed the severe consequences of abusive relationships. It effectively highlighted how violence can spiral out of control and emotional abuse can make it difficult for the victim to actually ascertain when they are in trouble. Often, those in abusive relationships don’t realise the seriousness of the situation that they are in, as they are brainwashed into believing it is their fault. However, these days couples often seem to label a relationship ‘toxic’, just because of one argument.
So what’s the answer? Well, here’s the bad news chaps. There is no straightforward answer. But, perhaps we should all take a leaf out of our grandparents book and make sure to really get to know our partner through conversations, instead of just browsing through their social media. It’s not always necessary to run at the first argument, not all dubious dates are a sign of a toxic relationship!
If you are genuinely concerned about a relationship becoming harmful, seek help. Visit Womens Aid for more support and information on escaping abusive relationships.
Carys Reid-Davies