The University of Leeds has come third in the race to be crowned as the UK’s kinkiest University.

In a study that investigated the consumer habits of students from 20 different universities, it was found that the adventurous students of Leeds spent £8,633 on sex toys, lingerie and bondage products in 2017. Whips and chains? Dildos and vibrators? Reusable fleshlights? You name it. Charles Morris is absolutely brimming with them.

In typical uni league table fashion, the universities of Oxford and Cambridge finished first and second respectively, in a contest even more arousing than this year’s boat race. Utilising the seemingly endless sums from the bank of mum and dad, Oxford students spent an incredible £11,266 on the naughtiest of revision stimulants, giving their sex lives a very erotic upgrade.

The survey, conducted by the sexual noggins over at Anne Summers, also found that while the University of Leeds ranked 3rd in terms of amount of money spent, the institution ranked outside of the top 10 when it came to time spent browsing online, showing that Leeds students fancied a little less conversation and a little more action in the bedroom.

Of the 20 universities surveyed, the University of Surrey finished a particularly limp 19th, closely followed by the fully flacid effort of the University of Hertfordshire’s students. It was fine margins though, with only £39.26 separating these two sexually frustrated cohorts – for the more sexually savvy of you out there, that’s the price of one Maxx Gear Vibrating Grande Penis Extender Black.

The study also found out which students bought what. The most popular product overall, topping the list for 5 different universities, was the innocently named, but devilishly framed, Rose Gold Vibrator. Designed to provide up to 10 speeds of stimulation, the Rose Gold Vibrator was, unsurprisingly, also the sex-toy most sought after by women.

However, in-keeping with the University of Leeds’ reputation of going against the mainstream, the product that Leeds students couldn’t keep their hands off was the Patent Rampant Rabbit Vibe Bag, a sex-toy and lube courier as edgy as it is practical. Meanwhile, University of Kent students were more discreet in their selection, opting for the Lipstick Shaped Bullet Vibrator for some unexpected fun.

So-called “sexperts” have often suggested that exhibiting a more exhilarating sex life and having better orgasms benefits mental health, relieves stress, and increases brain power. And with 4 of the 5 top-rated Universities in the country featuring in the top buyers table, Ann Summers have concluded that ‘sex can make you smarter’, seeming to fundamentally prove the link between academic progress and bedroom prowess.

As a day’s worth of revision, essay writing and socialising can often take its toll on the minds of students young and old, it makes sense that the majority of online purchases were made at 10pm. So, the next time your housemate opts out of your communal film night, and goes to their room to “revise”, keep your eye out for any suspiciously shaped packages entering your letter-box over the next few days… It might just be a soon-to-be-opened butt-plug, or a big, large, huge, massive 12-inch realistic dildo.

Robert Cairns

(Image: Ann Summers)