If the worst thing that happened to you this Christmas day was receiving the same Lynx Africa set from two different relatives, not winning a single prize in a cracker, or drinking too much mulled wine and setting your stocking on fire, then spare a thought for the organisers of the 2016 Catholic Joy to the World Festival, who managed to accidently print out a thousand copies of the late Tupac Shakur’s ‘Hail Mary’, instead of the 500 year old Catholic prayer that bears the same name.
The Christmas carol service that took place at the Nelum Pokuna Theatre in the Sri Lankan capital of Colombo made the festive cock up earlier this month. Instead of picking up their service programmes to praise the “blessed fruit of thy [God’s] womb, Jesus”, celebrators were invited to start “thuggin’ eternal” and contemplate why “revenge is like the sweetest joy next to getting’ pussy”. Rather than asking to “pray for us sinners now”, the congregation promised to “empty out my clip, never stop to aim”.
One bystander reported “my suspicions arose by the third verse. I was particularly enjoying the organist’s ingenious infusion of classical baroque with gangsta rap, but when my fellow worshipper’s began to ask me ‘do you wanna die or ride?’ I didn’t quite know what to make of it. I’m all for progressivism in the Church but sometimes the traditional bangers are the best”.*
Authorities are yet to rule out any foul play, with some officers on the scene quick to suggest that a ‘Skandalouz’ prankster with ‘Ambitionz Az A Ridah’ may have sabotaged the event for political gain. Speculators have also determined that is the long-awaited resurrection of Shakur, who’s death has always been questioned by conspiracy theorists since 1996.
Reports have failed to confirm whether the priest went on to deliver a ‘Ghetto Gospel’, or stuck to the standard Catholic script.
When 2016 attempts to ruin your year in every way possible, it’s good to know there’s always something happening somewhere that can provide a little bit of festive joy.
*Quotations may be based on absolute fantasy.
Image: [OneLoVeOneHarT]
Robert Cairns