Green Day’s recent success in producing an album that wasn’t complete tosspot (it was alright, some good tracks on it), appears to have gone to their heads slightly. Thinking they were again at the forefront of punk, they took the chance to drop into ‘Bang Bang’ a chant of ‘No Trump. No KKK. No Fascist USA’, at the American Music Awards, alongside Bruno Mars, Maroon 5 and Lady Gaga. Now, call me old fashioned, but that’s not very Punk. In fact, it’s pathetic. Don’t get me wrong; Green Day have made some killer music. But any self-respecting Punk band would try a little harder to subvert a gig at a bloody ‘music awards’ ceremony. I can’t really think of a greater antithesis to the spirit of Punk. Anyhow, I thought it’d be a good time to look back on some of the least Punk things ever to happen in Punk, or by Punks. And I, being a metalhead, am of course “entirely qualified” to discuss these things.
Anyhow…
1) Johnny Ramone doesn’t want to upset Ronald Reagan
I’ve got to have a certain respect for any musician who straight-up says their political views, knowing that it’s going to alienate a pretty large chunk of their fans. However, not being happy with a song because you might upset the President of the United States: not very punk.
2) Danny Tourette on Never Mind the Buzzcocks
It was difficult to pick out a highlight from the career of this frankly bizarre musician, but here we are. In and of itself, there’s nothing wrong with appearing on a music quiz show, a bit of televised fun, why not? However if your strategy is to be a dick to everyone, you need a sharp wit and unbelievable comebacks to best the likes of Bill Bailey and Simon Amstell. He didn’t. To paraphrase Danny: “They can fucking dick on Danny Tourette”.
3) Henry Rollins on Jackass
What a man. Iconic, lovely, eloquent, and punk enough to use a tour of US bases in 2004 to accidentally make a jab at Dick Cheney. Aiding a bunch of dude-bros in their best attempt to butcher a pretty good concept, on the other hand: not so hardcore. Rollins appeared in a segment of ‘Jackass’, driving a 4×4 as they attempted to tattoo a member of their entourage. In fairness, as anti-punk things go, not so bad. But I won’t let that get in the way of a grudge. Ruddy Jackass.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9vmZq27ex5E
4) Sex Butter: John Lyddon advertising dairy goodness
You knew it was coming. You didn’t want to confront it. Yes, it’s John Lydon in a butter advert, prancing about wearing outfits like he’s about to embark on a political career in 1984. It’s hard to think of something more quietly gentrified than a butter commercial. Then again, we’ve all struggled to pay the bills at one point or another, or suffered from relevance deprivation syndrome. Maybe he can be forgiven.
It wasn’t very punk. But hey, neither was this article. So who am I to judge?
Edmund Goldrick