Generalised Anxiety Disorder is categorised by the NHS as being ‘a long-term condition that causes you to feel anxious about a wide range of situations and issues, rather than one specific event.’ It’s also often shortened to GAD, like ‘Oh GAD, how have I upset my friends today?’ It could also be described as a really shit buffet, but instead of choosing between the Iceland cocktail sausages and the sausage roll, it’s picking a really mundane thing out of a plethora of other really mundane things to be frightened about on any given day. Sometimes you’re anxious about a multitude of things simultaneously. That’s like the canapé of anxiety; many things mixed together under the guise of singular food stuff, or in this case, personality disorder.
When you say you suffer from anxiety, some people who aren’t acquainted with the illness may think of that awful expression glorified by the Kardashians – ‘You’re giving anxiety!’ GAD isn’t caused by someone borrowing your Louboutin’s without asking. It’s a serious, medical condition that robs the sufferer of their dignity and is debilitating. There is nothing more embarrassing to me than asking family members or friends to make a phone call for me at twenty-two years old because I am so anxious about what the receiver might think about me, or if I will stammer, or if I will receive bad news. There is nothing glamourous about having to leave a H&M saturated with people because the thought of trying clothes on is making me sweat monsoon levels of water and I feel like I need a ventilator. There is nothing funny about being unable attend appointments for the very illness I am describing because I am afraid my very lovely GP will tell me something I do not want to hear. University becomes a distant memory some days because I dread being in a seminar with relative strangers who are silently judging me so much. In fact, writing this very article made me feel on edge because I was nervous about the reception of it, and if what I was writing was indeed flowery turd.
Living with the constant aura of dread in the air, and the butterflies in one’s stomach that accompany even the most trivial of interactions with the outside world, GAD rears its ugly head at the most inconvenient of times. You may find your concentration is greatly impaired, or you need constant reassurance that you have not offended anyone, or that you do in fact become irritable with those closest to you. GAD and anxiety have often been described as ‘feeling too much’, and it is when these worries become cyclical and frightening that you must seek out help. It is not acceptable to be restless about carrying out mundane tasks, or to be in a state of perpetual worry.
If you feel like you are suffering from Generalised Anxiety Disorder, please have a chat with your GP. Don’t worry, they are unlikely to develop scales and breathe fire into your face. They are there to help. If that seems daunting, find solace in a calmer friend who may be able to talk some rationality into you, in spite of your thoughts being founded in anything but. Do not suffer in silence. Generalised Anxiety Disorder is serious, and can contribute to many other illnesses such as heart disease, strokes or suicide. Do not be ashamed.
Lucy Atkinson