Any Leeds party animal will know the pain of queuing for the nightclub loos, but it seems one student didn’t quite make it when they defecated at Fruity on Friday night.

The poopertrator left their unwanted early Christmas present in the corridor at the Union event.

An LUU source told The Gryphon, ‘I went into the Union this morning and they told me that there was a poo downstairs. Apparently, someone covered it in sand before the cleaners arrived’.

‘He said it was a big one too.’

The dirty protest was committed by the staircase near the entrance to the Refectory.

Another source said, ‘I couldn’t believe it. The refectory guy who found it looked traumatised’.

‘I did see the thing but I didn’t go down there. I just witnessed it from the top of the stairs, staring down into the abyss. It was tucked right round the corner so they’d obviously tried to be surreptitious’.

The identity of the dance floor defecator remains unknown.

One student said, ‘They either want arresting or rewarding’.

The unfortunate witness concluded, ‘It must have been someone at Fruity. If it was someone sober who just happened to be in LUU, then I’ve lost my faith in humanity’.

The Gryphon found no evidence of the crime upon further inspection today.

Anyone with further information is asked to contact this newspaper.

Charlotte Mason