Comment | The views of Cornelius Harrington-Smythe III

Posted on by The Gryphon Web Editor

This week, Cornelius returns to give his take on the floods that have blighted the UK and that repository for right wing hatred – the EU.

Stepping out of one’s parish church this Sunday morn (now a sort of Gothic stone yacht floating in the floodplains of Anonymoushire) and surveying the soggy wrath of the Lord that has enveloped the county, one couldn’t help but think that those chaps over at UKIP had got itabsolutely right. Clearly, God has been growing increasingly displeased with our sacrilegious tolerance of those effete and mincing scoundrels, with their excellent dress sense and funny ways of talking. We’ve allowed our great nation to become sullied by our willingness to associate with a subculture that runs contrary to everything an honest Englishman stands for, welcoming with open arms a people that our forefathers rightly shunned and attacked. Yes, UKIP were right all along: it’s the fault of the bloody Europeans.

For those who missed it, this week saw the quiet announcement by some busybody grammar schooled bureaucrat that, statistically at least, Britain has benefited economically from its involvement with the EU. Tish and fibsy! Whatever those blithering Whitehall spreadsheets might say, any chap with his head on straight can tell that the E Ewe has done nothing but ruin this country. We put up with all their accented interference in our legal system (no never ending life sentences for filthy criminals? Thanks Brussels.) but what do we get in return? Bugger all! If it’s a common market, why do I still have to slog down to bloody Calais to get my case vin rouge for cinq euro? Sure, we put up with all the lumpy Polish builders streaming in, but when are all the fruity Scandinavian blondes going to waltz through immigration control? It’s all take and no give with Europeans. Can’t trust ‘em. Done nothing but ruin all our fun with ‘human rights’. And the flooding? You can bet that if the French hadn’t been pouring away all that farm subsidy wine, there wouldn’t be any of this rising sea level nonsense, and the South would have been spared. That’s a scientific fact.

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