1/ We will never be late to a lecture because we have ‘overslept’. ‘Oversleeping’ is an alien concept. A lie in is something we have only heard about in fiction. We seem to have a vague recollection of what a ‘lie in’ is, we have seen it written about on friend’s Facebook status updates but we can’t quite remember what they are. When the clocks went forward or back or whatever the Hell they did – it did not have any effect on our lives.

I am up every morning when my child decides it is time to wake up. This has never been past 7am. I also have to get up at least an hour earlier than him in order to get him ready for his day – or to simply have a coffee, or urinate in peace.

2/ We will not be hung-over for lectures. Yes – I may have a glass of wine or two in the evening, but I am in bed by eight – having passed out from extreme exhaustion and taking the opportunity to sleep when the baby sleeps. The very idea of partying through the night is horrific. ‘Shots’ are a thing from my hazy past – and the only person vomiting over my notes will be my infant (this actually happened).

3/ We will be an avid reader / studier in the library. Because the library is now a magical land of peace and tranquillity – miles away from continuous squeals and screeches, inane and monotonous Fisher Price jingles or CBeebies theme tunes.

4/ We are worryingly aware that we need to make more money/ have a better career in order to provide for a secondary person. I need to make sure that if my child, one day, wishes to attend a University like this one, I can enable him to do that. So – I need to get my head down and concentrate. Things just got a whole lot more serious. Or shit got real, as the kids say.

5/ We are not scared… to put our hands up in class and look silly, to ask stupid questions, to fail… we used to be scared, shy, reserved – and then we went through or witnessed the complete and utter horror of childbirth and now it takes a lot more to rattle us.

“If I can survive a three day labour Sir – I can certainly write 6000 words, don’t worry about it!”

Stephanie Siviter