Pseudo-reality obsessors all over Britain need wait no longer for the return of E4’s BAFTA Award winning show for its sixth series (yes, really). This is reality television at its finest, so long as the caveat “some scenes have been created for your entertainment” slips your mind. Awkward silences and stilted conversations aside, the show that insists money really can buy you happiness is back with a vengeance.

Spencer Matthew’s cold-hearted eyes hold the viewers’ gaze as the camera zooms in on his being. Hang on a sec; is that Spencer, sitting on a psychotherapist’s sofa? Then he says it, oh we should have known, “I think I have an unhealthy relationship with…” (here’s the pause we’ve been waiting for) “sex”. Spenny’s predicament aside, the rest of the Made In Chelsea cast are sipping champagne from the bottle at Jamie’s pool side mansion in West Sussex. Whatever happened to a new series, a new start eh? Newbies Miffy and Freddie make their pathetic debut ‘yahing’ in agreement at the “beaut” weather, “beau” house, “beaut” girls. Yawn. If their performance is an indicator of things to come, can they be axed now please? Ice queen Lucy Watson, still hung up on MiC bad boy Spencer, proves to be a reliable source in spilling the beans to puppy eyed Andy Jordan regarding the misdemeanours of his girlfriend Louise Thompson. We knew it was all over when Mr. Jordan, whom I had the pleasure of meeting in the upmarket Hyde Park establishment of Zulfi’s at 4am last summer, was clearing out his prized possession, his guitar, from her apartment. Any old fool could guess Louise’s reaction. Yep, that’s it, she cried. But who was there to console her? Not her girlfriends, not her mother, not even Mr. Ben and Jerry’s, but Spencer, reminding her oh so smugly that she never cheated on him.

So there we have it, the scene is set for the ensuing (predictable) dilemmas that are heading our way in episode two. Rumour has it that The Hills star Stephanie Pratt is next to fall under Spencer’s spell, but will she make it out alive or transform into a tear-sodden mess just like Louise and Lucy? The suspense is just unbearable.

You can also read our interview with the one and only Spencer Matthews here

Made in Chelsea is on E4, Mondays at 10pm.

Charlotte Dowd

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