As many of us reach the 11th hour of our final year, it’s time to face up to the fact that we’ve probably learnt more from just living the student life, than what a degree could ever teach us. A ‘responsible adult’, perhaps not, but at least I’ve learnt to cope in the wilderness of Hyde Park, with an empty fridge and broken blinds. The ‘life lessons’ that we were promised by sixth form teachers and parents have been delivered, but perhaps not in the ways they had in mind…
1) Supermarket shopping becomes like clubbing, and should be treated with the same finesse and forward-planning. Do avoid going in your pyjamas however close you might live to the Hyde Park Sainsbury’s. The armful of toilet rolls might be unavoidable, but your flannel snowman two piece is. Avoid going on the weekends and stick around ‘til closing time if you want to pick up a particularly cheap (if slightly past its best) bargain. A two-day old tuna sandwich never killed anyone…
2) Students are some of the most innovative and inventive thinkers on the planet. Forget Jamie’s 15-minute meals, we’re able to create British delicacies with minimal kitchen appliances. The trusty vodka bottle replaces more conventional methods for flattening dough, and I strongly believe it will soon push the rolling pin into extinction. Our ingenuity is not merely confined to the kitchen: if you really need to, you can make it from Leeds to Essex with an exhaust pipe tied together by a shoelace. (NB: this should only be attempted in extremely dire circumstances)
3) Regardless of how many Give-It-A-Go sessions you attend, you’re just not made for Fencing or Harry Potter Society. A cheeky two newspaper articles in four years and a failed attempt at tennis trials will look just fine on my CV, thank you. The Freshers’ fair, however, should never be avoided. Five visits in five days will provide you with essential survival tools: stationary for the year, sustenance in the form of Haribo and Chuba Chups, and Amber Cabs’ number, for when you find yourself in a drunken stupor outside Halo, for the third time that week.
4)Always be cordial with your taxi driver, tutor, and landlord – they are the people who will help you out of a sticky situation provided you’ve never flipped tthem off/sent them a rude email/been sick on them. Friends in high places will be beneficial to you in all walks of life, so it’s best to practice your schmoozing skills before anyone can accuse you of being a soul-less corporate sell-out. And don’t underestimate the hog roast man outside the Union on Mondays, because he just might offer you a job one day. (Cheers again, Phillip)
5) Exam nerves do wear off. I have been transformed, much like a butterfly, from a nervous first year, clutching 49 biros (just in case), to a nonchalant fourth year who takes the invigilator’s preamble as a great opportunity for a nap. Public speaking nerves, on the other hand, never do go away. Neither does the fear of your phone going off in front of the vertically- challenged, tattooed gentleman in Sports Hall 2 who, wielding a particularly large megaphone, has clearly missed his calling as an army sergeant.
6) Far away from home and estranged from your friendly local salespeople who will give you a discount, your prized possessions become increasingly more important to you. Your high-tops, for one, will prove incredibly resilient and most likely last you throughout University. They can take on Freshers’ Week and even survive house parties. One time they even made it through a whole night outside in the cold. MacBooks and other technology, on the other hand, will not last a night of post-Jaegerbomb puking.
7) One one important lesson that I’ve learnt, perhaps too late in my University career, comes from the back of an assigned book that I skim- read five minutes before a seminar. Thee author proposes that success is the lovechild of talent, luck and discipline. Unfortunately, discipline is the only one of these three that we can control, whilst we pray for talent and luck to see us through. The point of Uni therefore, beyond the various lessons described above, is to teach you that hard work pays off. A strong and steadfast work ethic is your best weapon. Hopefully this parable doesn’t come too late for some of you.