Breakfast. This most important of meals can often quite literally make or break you. So who was I to deny a challenge that would push my perseverance, determination, grit and gut to the limit. My gladiator arena of course, was Popina’s, a hallowed institution for all Leeds students. That particular morning, I felt much like some medical cotton wool; soaked in alcohol, readily torn, fluffy and vulnerable.
Nevertheless, with a brave face, I met my combatant. The mountain before me comprised of three sausages, three rashes of bacon, three eggs, two hash browns, a plethora of beans, tomatoes and mushrooms and a pudding as black as your ex’s heart.
The connoisseurs of the full English breakfast will be familiar with the obstacles to overcome when handling the economics of a platter. Without great care, you might be in the awkward position of having to finish off a few mouthfuls of tomatoes and mushrooms, so keen concentration is required. However the sheer size of this meal guarantees some safety from this, a slither of bacon or sausage can always be found hanging out amongst the beans.
The quality of the feast was excellent, putting to ruin the stigma attached to challenges like this that the quality might be missing in favour of sheer quantity. Moreoever the delicate mixing of all the constituent parts of the breakfast gave a flavour that far surpassed than anything could be expected from the individual pieces.
As I approached the end of my food (by now it ceased to be breakfast and became brunch) I reached the utopia every hungover man dreams of as they enter any café, the fogginess that was destroying my mind began to lift, my senses returned to me and I was able to appreciate the company around me. This is the magical power of such grease and meat packed in a meal, it can cure any ill.
Yet I must raise a voice that the actual challenge aspect of this meal gives me quite severe concern. It is a big meal, there is no denying this and more than any man should really need in the morning. It is an indulgence, certainly, but it was not a challenge to finish.
As I strolled inside, preening, victorious and glorious, I noticed the board upon which the statistics of winners were put. I was shocked to find that the success rate was far less than half for men and although the women’s ratio was much better it was still far short of a majority.
While this is a disappointing effort from my fellow peers, I would still recommend the good people of Popina’s café to up the challenge to something that requires real mettle. If the meal was double the size I may have begun to struggle and perhaps the score would be different.
Words: Nicholas Gandy