It’s on the horizon, something, somewhere is going to blow up and you want to survive. Here’s a student’s guide to preparing for that inevitable 2012 nuclear apocalypse.

1. Sunglasses

The flash from a nuclear explosion is several times brighter than the sun, so don’t look. If you couldn’t resist, just hope that the blindness is temporary.

2.Tinned goods

They last for ages and are actually quite nutritious – they can provide part of your 5-a-day and contain a lot of sodium (or salt, vital for maintaining your fluid levels, recovering from diarrhoea and transmitting signals across your body). Functions which you will find essential in the case of an apocalypse. If you haven’t bothered with the whole planning thing then learn to scavenge, or you could just eat cockroaches, they survive everything anyway.

3. Some kind of shelter (before and after)

So assume for one that you know beforehand the apocalypse is coming (which we clearly do) – you need a basement, and you need one now. Luckily most of the houses in Hyde Park are sorted. Then you need post-apocalyptic shelter. The climate will be rapidly cooling due to the super radiation and you need to maintain warmth to survive. Find somewhere easy to defend, with accessible escape routes and that’s close to a safe water source. Sounds difficult? Go ‘Shaun of the Dead’ and try the Brudenell Social Club.

4. Weapons/Tools

Just in case someone attacks and tries to steal your carefully arranged tinned goods, a weapon would be useful, no use playing the nice guy/girl now.

5. Vintage Gas Mask

Vintage is fashionable right now, and a gas mask will be incredibly useful– radiation will be falling from the sky for up to a month after the nuclear-disaster-style-apocalypse so if you want to go outside, don’t be without one.

6. Soap

Anything or anyone that was outside during the blast or the nuclear fallout afterwards should be considered as ‘contaminated’. Hair and skin should be scrubbed with soap and water, and clothes should be brushed vigorously.

 

Caitriona Snell