Alex Minshall prepares the new arrivals in this pick of the top five books for surviving freshers’ week.

 

1. Lord of the Flies by William Golding

Freshers’ week is nothing like being stranded on a desert island with your classmates, but, given the chance, you should definitely take the fat kid’s glasses to make fire.

2. Life of Pi by Yann Martel

This quality novel about a boy stuck on a boat with a tiger, is essentially a metaphor for Freshers’ week, in which the boat is your bed and the tiger is a hangover. Just don’t try and eat its poo.

3. A Modest Proposal by Jonathan Swift

While the creation of a market for Irish child-meat may have been a possible solution in Swift’s time, I can’t recommend it. It’s very immoral and probably illegal, and Swift might even have been joking when he suggested it 300 years ago.

  4. The Origin of Species by Charles Darwin

Although by ‘survival of the fittest’ Darwin meant taller giraffes get better pinecones, his theory lives on in the fight over the last chubby lass or nasty skinhead when it comes to closing time at Halo.

5. Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone by J K Rowling

Unlike all our other suggestions this book is directly relevant to Leeds Uni because there is a secret dungeon guarded by a three headed dog underneath Roger Stevens, and you often have to fight for extension deadlines with lecturers hosting at least one Dark Lord on the back of their head.